Hope all of you had a great weekend...Sorry I did not blog this weekend...I am going to do my best to recap it all now...
Friday Food:
Bfast Egg whites w peppers and spinach
Snack Banana
Lunch Asparagus and turkey
Snack Granola Bar
Dinner Sashimi
I learned this weekend that when drinking boxed wine...the box wine always wins...ALWAYS...Friday night myself and The CFO went out with our newly engaged friends who I will refer to as Mr. and Mrs. Filth...He is quite the character...he works at a top investment bank and is a genius...up until a month ago he never had a personal email address and still does not have his voicemail set up on his phone...he can also eat and drink more than anyone I know...His fiance is his perfect counterpart...she is cool as shit and I know when we go out w them it always ends up SLOPPY...
We went to a BYO sushi place on 34th and 3rd called Nana Sushi (pretty fucking good)...I knew it was gonna be a rough night when everyone was sitting at their tables w a nice bottle of wine and Mr. Filth comes walking in w a box of franzia...For those who have never drank boxed wine it taste like apple juice but when you wake up in the morning you feel like you got hit by a mac trunk and stabbed with a few rusty nails...
After we killed a box and a bottle of saki we hit up a local watering hole...We POUNDED SHOTS...The Jamo was flowing...After a shit show filled evening we all stumbled home and I DID NOT EAT ANYTHING!!! A huge accomplishment for this Fat Fuck...Usually when I am drunk I will eat anything insight from a pickle, to a can of tuna, to a small Ethiopian...
Another lesson I learned this weekend was that you should never do anything you hate hungover...I awoke on Saturday feeling like AIDS and I get a call from my friend Pee Wee Herman (dead ringer for him)...to go running...I knew I needed to do it so I jumped out of bed geared up and hit the road...It was Summer Streets...the city closes down park ave roads downtown to allow people to run and bike in the street...its pretty cool...I never hated life more than I did on Saturday...All I wanted to do was get run over by a pack of bicyclists and call it quits on life...As I was running I and the entire city of Manhattan was able to smell the booze seeping out of my pores....The combo of booze and my sweat could be some of the foulest odors ever unleashed on this beautiful city...I am very sorry to all residents...With the help of Pee Wee I pushed hard and made it through the run barely alive...we ordered in some salads...(mine had grilled chicken)
That evening I ordered in chicken and beans and geared up for the night...Went back to the bar with the awesome cover band...this time no bitch dumped beer on me and pinched my fat...so it was a victory for all...
Today I went for Brunch w The CFO...I had eggs and salmon (way better than shitty caf salmon)...after brunch we went into the store Ricky's...The CFO was not impressed that I use a $25 tube of hair gel...She thinks I have a pretty wide vag...I tend to agree...
Afterward Papa Smurf and I went to Jack Rabbit...It is a really awesome running store...The people are great and knowledgeable...I needed a new pair of running sneakers...The woman in the store asked me what I am looking to accomplish with my running my answer "to not be fat" She was not really sure how to respond...As I was getting fitted for shows an older lady prob in her early 50s came up to the woman helping us and started talking about bras to run in...She revealed she was a 34C and wanted a bra that would not constrict her...She asked to go try one on...Papa Smurf and I were ready to assist her...He could not take his eyes off of her...At least he is interested in someone who is not a senior citizen...
After that I headed down to the Great Jones Spa and get a massage (so to confirm I am a wide vag)...The facilities were great and the massage was fantastic...It was nice to have a little "me time" As loyal readers of the blog you all know I do not have normal thoughts...During the massage my mind thought of some awesome shit...I am gonna list 4 things below...I will let you all guess which I did not think about:
1. How do ducks fuck
2. If I had to murder someone I am friends with who it would be and how would I do it
3. Having a lovely dinner with The CFO
4. If a gun was put to my head and I had to have relations with a dude friend of mine which it would be (the answer papa smurf...he looks like a gentle lover...)
After the massage I strolled around the city w The CFO and we met up with Mr. and Mrs. Filth at Choptank (Bleeker and Grove) to have all you can eat Crabs...
These were fantastic...Much better tasting than Cooter Crabs...those do not taste good...On the table they placed chips and dip and buttered potatoes...All I wanted to do was eat a bucket of chip myself and roll around in the buttered potatoes (and have The CFO lick me clean)...Thank god I had my crabs to distract me from those thoughts....There was something awesome about sitting with a table full of crabs and smashing them with a mallet...Nothing gave me more pleasure than watching Mr. Filth nail a crab...The energy he exuded and the look on his face like he was ready to fuck these crabs up was priceless...Between the four of us we put down around 50 crabs...Job well done...When we left our shirts and shorts were covered like we just went to war...IT WAS BALLERRRRRRRR...Unlike the box wine we won this battle!!!
Time to shower and get this crab stench off of me...
Till Tomorrow...eat a falafel sandwich from Mamoun's for This Fat Fuck...
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