Crazy to think it has been 1 Month since we started this journey together...I seriously cannot thank you all enough for the love and support...Please continue to support me and continue to spread the word to others...
It was one month ago at my 26th birthday I said to myself It is time to get rid of the body of a 64yr old lady and start to get my life on track...It is crazy how far I have come in a month...eating SIGNIFICANTLY better...RUNNING...WHOLLY FUCK I AM RUNNING...and drinking dickloads less...Still not the pinnacle of health but we are getting there...
Every morning I get on the same train and sit in the same car...I read the post....put my monthly pass in a spot the conductor can see...then I pass the fuck out...It is a nice a little routine I have gotten myself into...although the conductor has one as well...every morning the same fucking conductor...who says hi to me while I board the train...walks up to me...taps me on the shoulder and asks for my ticket which is again in an extremely visible spot...When this happens I usually get extremely startled and jump and either flail my arms or smash my knees into the seat in front of me...either way I look like I am having a fucking seizure... So...Hey Conductor...STOP FUCKING WAKING ME UP!!!!...Even if you do not see the pass I AM ON THE SAME FUCKING TRAIN WITH YOU DAILY...CLEARLY YOU KNOW I HAVE IT!!!!...And if I do slip one past the proverbial goalie one day and do not have the pass GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK....because one day your gonna tap me and that flailing arm is gonna be hard one right to the fucking FACHE...
Bfast: Yogurt
Snack: Banana...no heart burn in a weak...I can see the revenge of the banana coming reeeaaaal soon...
Lunch: A LA PLANCHA!!!! Grilled Chicken, salad, cauliflower, and asparagus....A la plancha week is my fat fuck shitty ass caf version of shark week....LET THE FUCKING EXCITEMENT CONTINUE!!!
Snack: Granola Bar
Chubby Chasers: I am looking for some new snack items please email ideas to chubbynation@gmail.com
Got home and went for a real quick run with fit roommate and dog...we hit the dog park...Running today was nice and easy...it is crazy to think that a month ago I wanted to die by running to the dog park and now its fairly painless and I am not gonna have a stroke...my calves are still on fucking fire...please send some tips to help with that...
One thing that has not changed is me hoping fit roommate dies on the way over...Today I was hoping a 300lb naked dude hated his life so much he jumped from the top of a 30 story building and landed directly on top of fit roommate and when they both fell to the ground and their lives ended the naked dude was positioned that he was face fucking my roommate and a photographer was taking photos and now his parents had to go through life with the shame and humiliation that their son died getting face fucked...
The dog park was also a letdown today...The only person in there besides us was a dude who looked like he was albino and had herpes...AWESOME!!!
At least on the way home we followed a chick with the tightest ass...I think that is why we made such quick time because she was moving and we did not want to let her out of our sight...either way...I do not think she liked that we followed every turn she made...oh well motivation is motivation...
Got home and it was weigh in time...I was very nervous because of my non exercising booze filled weekend...
Here were the highlights...
The flucuator was up first and just got back from Chicago...I expected him to go up about 30lbs...instead stayed even at 209.7...down .3lbs overall and .14%...not too much flucuation for the flucuator...
My favorite part of GTB getting on the scale is his ritual...he strips down to the boxer and starts doing a few squats...then he waves his arms around...then comes my personal favorite...JUMPING JACKS!!! (surprisingly he still has not fallen into the down stairs neighbors apt)...then he takes a big breath does the Johnny Drama scream and steps on...came in at 235 down 2lbs and down 5lbs overall and 2.08%...
Finally as usual the hush fall over the crowd and the Fat Fuck comes up to the scale...the crowd had extremely low expectations this week...in fact it was the first non sell out crowd because people did not want to be disapointed...WELL FOR THIS WHO DID NOT SHOW HAHAHAHA....MISSED A GREAT FUCKING GAME...DOWN ANOTHER 3LBS...Once again a historic evening as I came in at 243.5 broke the 15lbs mark and now down 15.5 and 5.98%...You all know the drill...tits came out...and I was carried into the kitchen on the shoulders of my fans as my pork chops needed to be flipped...Had a victory pork chop and spinach...
1. I AM FUCKING RUNNING AWAY WITH THIS BITCH!!!...3 more weigh ins till I can claim a victory...
2. I was feeling bad about what I said about fit roommate but then I remembered he is the worst fucking scale reader...EVER...I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THE TWO OF THEM GETTING GENEROUS READS!!! (I am talking about .5 to an lb lighter) and then you adding that .5 to 1lb on my weight...it is ok make it harder for me I will still fucking win...So fit roommate on second thought I hope that falling dick tastes like AIDS!
One month in and I am down 15.5lbs...NOT TO SHABBY...Although mother was quick to remind me if I cut out the booze it would be more...well mother...I DON'T GIVE A FUCK...(sorry mommy)...I know I could lose more without booze but it keeps me sane and I need at least one vice in my life...I know this is only gonna get harder as the journey goes on but I cannot wait...I am going to keep pushing and give it my all because if the feeling is this awesome at breaking 15 I wonder what 20, 3o, and dare I say 40 feel like...
Time to get into bed and have a victory jerk because hell I FUCKING EARNED IT...(one of my measuring tactics on how much weight I have lost is by laying in bed with a hard cock and seeing how much of it I can see over my stomach...Finally not just the tip!!!)...
Until tomorrow...eat a molten chocolate cake with ice cream...for This Fat Fuck...
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