Moving On Up...

Whats up Chubby Chasers...

BIG FUCKING NEWS...

This is the last of blogspot...

Starting with tonight's post we will be on....

chubbienation.com/

Please go there to read tonights post and from now on...

Until you hit the new site...have a chocolate chip cookie...for This Fat Fuck...

Quick Hits...

What is up Chubby Nation...

Another slow day in my life so not too much to talk about...

Day started off well...nobody stole my paper...

Had yogurt for bfast and a banana for snack...Day was going pretty well and then lunch came around...

I knew it was too good to be true...just as I was loving a la plancha the dining services people had to rip my heart out and kick me in the nuts...not only did they not have it today they did a complete 180 and decided to can the healthiest meal in the caf for the meal that could kill everyone...the meal you ask...LOADED BAKED POTATO BAR...ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME...If you could think of an unhealthy topping they had it...even the cheese to put on it was not real cheese...it was the cheese you put on nachos at the movies...Apparently today was national baked potato day so clearly it had to be FUCKING CELEBRATED...When I realized that this replaced my beloved a la plancha I let out a shriek followed by a tear or two...not a pretty site...FUCK YOU DINING SERVICES...and of course tomorrow is Friday so it is forget about health day in the caf...

oh yea I had shitty cold salmon and cauliflower...FUCKING A

Snack was granola bar...

Tunisian 2 was complaining his throat was dry today so I kept turning to him and chugging water...I HEART RAMADAN!!!!

Came home and went for a run alone...Have not done that in a while...I forgot how much moose cock that blows...I tried to get fit roommate to go with me but he declined...fuck him...

I ran by myself to the park and back...something quick and easy...There were lots of bouncing boobs tonight...I love bouncing boobs...they make me and my heart smile...

At the park instead of being creepy by the dogs I decided to be creepy by Shake Shack...I was craving fast food and like any good addict I needed a fix...Luckily for me I had no money on me so I could not buy food but smells are free...So I sat down at a table in front of the shack and took in that wonderful aroma...I am sure people felt awkward as my man boobs were hanging out of my sleeveless shirt and I was drooling and salivating at their food...I looked have homeless and half retarded...I thought either a person was gonna offer to buy me a hot meal or ask me if I was lost and if they can help me get back to the center for mentally challenged adults...

Came home got some chicken and beans...and now debating if I should go out and be useless at work tomorrow...

The blogging will be light this weekend as The CFO, The Flucuator, his GF and I are headed back to the shore...Hopefully The CFO fam will provide some great material for me to share when I return...

Until then kids...eat McDs 2 cheeseburger and fry value meal...for This Fat Fuck...

Did that really happen...

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Contest Week 5

What's going on Chubby Nation...

Crazy to think it has been 1 Month since we started this journey together...I seriously cannot thank you all enough for the love and support...Please continue to support me and continue to spread the word to others...

It was one month ago at my 26th birthday I said to myself It is time to get rid of the body of a 64yr old lady and start to get my life on track...It is crazy how far I have come in a month...eating SIGNIFICANTLY better...RUNNING...WHOLLY FUCK I AM RUNNING...and drinking dickloads less...Still not the pinnacle of health but we are getting there...

Every morning I get on the same train and sit in the same car...I read the post....put my monthly pass in a spot the conductor can see...then I pass the fuck out...It is a nice a little routine I have gotten myself into...although the conductor has one as well...every morning the same fucking conductor...who says hi to me while I board the train...walks up to me...taps me on the shoulder and asks for my ticket which is again in an extremely visible spot...When this happens I usually get extremely startled and jump and either flail my arms or smash my knees into the seat in front of me...either way I look like I am having a fucking seizure... So...Hey Conductor...STOP FUCKING WAKING ME UP!!!!...Even if you do not see the pass I AM ON THE SAME FUCKING TRAIN WITH YOU DAILY...CLEARLY YOU KNOW I HAVE IT!!!!...And if I do slip one past the proverbial goalie one day and do not have the pass GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK....because one day your gonna tap me and that flailing arm is gonna be hard one right to the fucking FACHE...

Bfast: Yogurt

Snack: Banana...no heart burn in a weak...I can see the revenge of the banana coming reeeaaaal soon...

Lunch: A LA PLANCHA!!!! Grilled Chicken, salad, cauliflower, and asparagus....A la plancha week is my fat fuck shitty ass caf version of shark week....LET THE FUCKING EXCITEMENT CONTINUE!!!

Snack: Granola Bar

Chubby Chasers: I am looking for some new snack items please email ideas to chubbynation@gmail.com

Got home and went for a real quick run with fit roommate and dog...we hit the dog park...Running today was nice and easy...it is crazy to think that a month ago I wanted to die by running to the dog park and now its fairly painless and I am not gonna have a stroke...my calves are still on fucking fire...please send some tips to help with that...

One thing that has not changed is me hoping fit roommate dies on the way over...Today I was hoping a 300lb naked dude hated his life so much he jumped from the top of a 30 story building and landed directly on top of fit roommate and when they both fell to the ground and their lives ended the naked dude was positioned that he was face fucking my roommate and a photographer was taking photos and now his parents had to go through life with the shame and humiliation that their son died getting face fucked...

The dog park was also a letdown today...The only person in there besides us was a dude who looked like he was albino and had herpes...AWESOME!!!

At least on the way home we followed a chick with the tightest ass...I think that is why we made such quick time because she was moving and we did not want to let her out of our sight...either way...I do not think she liked that we followed every turn she made...oh well motivation is motivation...

Got home and it was weigh in time...I was very nervous because of my non exercising booze filled weekend...

Here were the highlights...

The flucuator was up first and just got back from Chicago...I expected him to go up about 30lbs...instead stayed even at 209.7...down .3lbs overall and .14%...not too much flucuation for the flucuator...

My favorite part of GTB getting on the scale is his ritual...he strips down to the boxer and starts doing a few squats...then he waves his arms around...then comes my personal favorite...JUMPING JACKS!!! (surprisingly he still has not fallen into the down stairs neighbors apt)...then he takes a big breath does the Johnny Drama scream and steps on...came in at 235 down 2lbs and down 5lbs overall and 2.08%...

Finally as usual the hush fall over the crowd and the Fat Fuck comes up to the scale...the crowd had extremely low expectations this week...in fact it was the first non sell out crowd because people did not want to be disapointed...WELL FOR THIS WHO DID NOT SHOW HAHAHAHA....MISSED A GREAT FUCKING GAME...DOWN ANOTHER 3LBS...Once again a historic evening as I came in at 243.5 broke the 15lbs mark and now down 15.5 and 5.98%...You all know the drill...tits came out...and I was carried into the kitchen on the shoulders of my fans as my pork chops needed to be flipped...Had a victory pork chop and spinach...

1. I AM FUCKING RUNNING AWAY WITH THIS BITCH!!!...3 more weigh ins till I can claim a victory...

2. I was feeling bad about what I said about fit roommate but then I remembered he is the worst fucking scale reader...EVER...I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THE TWO OF THEM GETTING GENEROUS READS!!! (I am talking about .5 to an lb lighter) and then you adding that .5 to 1lb on my weight...it is ok make it harder for me I will still fucking win...So fit roommate on second thought I hope that falling dick tastes like AIDS!

One month in and I am down 15.5lbs...NOT TO SHABBY...Although mother was quick to remind me if I cut out the booze it would be more...well mother...I DON'T GIVE A FUCK...(sorry mommy)...I know I could lose more without booze but it keeps me sane and I need at least one vice in my life...I know this is only gonna get harder as the journey goes on but I cannot wait...I am going to keep pushing and give it my all because if the feeling is this awesome at breaking 15 I wonder what 20, 3o, and dare I say 40 feel like...

Time to get into bed and have a victory jerk because hell I FUCKING EARNED IT...(one of my measuring tactics on how much weight I have lost is by laying in bed with a hard cock and seeing how much of it I can see over my stomach...Finally not just the tip!!!)...

Until tomorrow...eat a molten chocolate cake with ice cream...for This Fat Fuck...

Reeeeeaaaaaaaaaaal Quick...

What is up Chubby Chasers....

I swear really quick tonight...As I promised there are big things in the works and I need to go take care of it...

Food Today:

Bfast: Mixed Berry Yogurt...Pretty good...

Snack: Banana

Lunch: FINALLY!!!!! The caf does one thing well....About every few weeks they do this thing they call "a la plancha" Its a piece of chicken, tuna, or steak with a salad and some veggies....The grill it to your liking...It is actually really good and I get a chubby every time they have it...Today I went chicken...This is clearly the most popular item the caf has yet they do it about once a month for a week straight...its such a fucking tease...just give it to me all the time...rather then for 5 days in a row which is just enough to get me excited about lunch and then be extremely depressed the next Monday when it is not there...

Snack: Granola bar

Dinner: Flounder, Mushrooms and Quinoa...

Went for a run with Ben Franklin tonight...my first run since weds...IT BLEW ASSHOLE...My legs burned more than ever and it was like a million percent humidity...it was so hot and steamy out it reminded me of being in a hot shower w a perpetual fart....we went about 3 miles and were ready to end our lives...I thought today would finally be the day I puked from running...not yet...if I am lucky one day soon...

It was a successful run on another front...As I have mentioned before I fall a lot...I mean a lot...It had just poured and started to rain again while we were out...I gave myself an 83.7% chance I was going to fall and break an ankle, my shoulder, or fucking face plant and ruin the money maker and look like a fucking idiot and give the other runners some good entertainment while I crawl up into the fetal position and hope it was just a dream...well...that did not happen...MORAL VICTORY!

Final note...WHY DOES THE WORLD FUCKING HATE ME...As I mentioned in yesterday's blog I love nothing more than the smell of popcorn...I shit you not...in the middle of the running path on the FDR drive some dude had a movie theater popcorn machine out and was making popcorn (not sure the occasion)...All I wanted to do was kick the dude in the nuts pick up his popcorn machine and throw it in the FUCKING RIVER...No matter what I do I cannot get that fucking smell away from me...It is like it is the worlds way of playing the worst practical joke ever...NOT FUNNY!!!

Ok...Time to shower...and make shit happen...

Big weigh in day tomorrow...

Until next time kids...eat a breakfast burrito from Taco Surf in San Diego....for This Fat Fuck...

Practical Joke...

What is up Chubby Chasers...

Its been a crazy few days since I last blogged I will try my best to fill most of it in...

A quick tip today from a Chubby Chaser who had some thoughts about my small ass bladder...

eat hydrating foods. the nutrients in the fruit will help the water get into your cells on a molecular level. they need something to stick to. running to the bathroom and seeming like either a bulemic freak or a cokehead that can't sustain a half hour without a bump just means that the water is going straight through your system without doing anything for you. eat more fruit. watermelon, cantelope

Pretty awesome this Chubby Chaser used an analogy I could understand...Thanks for the tip!!! keep it coming...

Before we give the run through...I am gonna give highlights of thurs-sun...Might leave out a few meals...cant remember them all...With this crazy ass weekend I had I have not been able to exercise since Weds...I am in fucking withdrawal...NOT GOOD...Need to have a BIG run tomorrow...Bring on the pain!!!!

Thurs...Standard food at work...I think I had yogurt for bfast...

For dinner the boys went out for GTBs bday...We went to Benny's Burritos on 6 and A. They make good fucking food...Going to dinner is really hard for a fat fuck...Clearly I read through the menu and look at everything I cannot eat and listen in to what my friends are ordering...As they are all loading up and feeding their faces off with burritos I ordered Steak Fajitas and I ate the meat with some lettuce, tomato, and beans...Wow did I want a fucking burrito...This was once of my first experiences at a dinner like this since I started this challenge...It really tests you when you have all these options and you chose the healthiest of them...I WAS NOT HAPPY...

A few people noticed at dinner that with most of my drinks and sometimes food I use the stomach table...Since I am a large human my stomach starts just south of my man titties...This creates a body shelf or table...I usually rest my beer these while I am standing at a bar and chatting or in any situation I have a beverage...I am looking forward to not being able to get a reservation at that table anymore...

After dinner we went to a bar where Papa Smurf was sitting at a table with me and a guy walked by us and he looked him up and down...I saw this happen and called him out on it...he had no response...

Friday standard food as well but since I was hungover and did not feel like running oatmeal or yogurt through the system it was egg white omelet time!

Commuting on Fri sucked balls...I had to go to LI to get the car so I had to go from the Metro North to the LIRR to meet my parents...If two train rides a day is not self esteem boosting enough LETS ADD A THIRD ONE!!!!

Went out to GTBs bday party that was a fucking blast!!! (sarcasm)...Pretty much everyone went home by 12...His friends really know how to get after it...Hope that is not foreshadowing the Bachelor Party...At one point GTB and I wear sitting on a bench and he laid down and put his head on my knee...The bouncer came over and said to us..."I know this is the lounge area, but sit up...its not that kind of bar." Thanks for calling me gay asshole...

We were at Whiskey Rebel on 28th and lex..pretty chill and cheapish...The only thing I FUCKING HATE is they serve popcorn at the bar...They keep bowls all over the bar and keep it popping all night...This is one of my versions of hell where I am getting hammered and want to eat and am surrounded by the best smell in world and cannot touch any of the deliciousness in front of me...FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK....Maybe one day this will become heaven and I can have all of the corn I want!...Until then KILL ME...

So the reason I picked up my car...Me and a few boys from school decided that the bday party for Short Bus was not enough...We decided to kidnap him for the night and take him to Mohegan...His gf told him they were going to meet her parents...they stopped in at Starbucks she walked out to make a phone call...he came out with drinks and we hooked him and dragged him into the car...pretty well executed...EXCEPT FOR ONE FUCKING PROBLEM...

Some old cunt saw us take a bag from the gf and started to watch the kidnap and came up to me and started yelling that "THIS BETTER BE NOTHING MORE THAN A PRACTICAL JOKE" I told her he is our friend and it was...she said that is was not funny and "do you see my face I am not laughing" She proceeded to take down my licence plate and call the cops as we left...THIS WOMAN IS AN IDOT...Hey Bitch...My boys and I were in plaid shorts and pastel color polo shorts...I HAD A FUCKING FEDORA ON!!! Do you really think it was a serious attack...Did our taking pictures and laughing not give it away...IF I WERE GOING TO KIDNAP A HUMAN DO YOU THINK I WOULD BE WEARING A FUCKING FEDORA...WAKE THE FUCK UP!!!! Also we were clearly smart enough to kidnap a human in a crowded public place during daylight...ALSO if it were serious do you really think you were gonna stop us...all we would have done is put you down like a fucking dog if you got in our way....GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU OLD BITCH...o yea again I WAS WEARING A FUCKING FEDORA!!! (I really cannot stress that enough)...

Got to Mohegan and the boozing began...we ordered in pizza to the hotel (Marriott in Norwich)...Do not worry I had a salad w chicken...and that was the first I ate all day...

Went to dinner at Michael Jordan Sports Bar...Pretty good I had a steak...We were sitting by the window enjoying a nice meal when Scottie Pippen walked by...Papa Smurf thought it was a good idea to start banging on the window and boo him...He really hates the bulls...

Rest of the night was a complete blur...Lots of gambling and drinking (Pee Wee Herman played BlackJack with Rick Bucher)...At the bar Lucky's Lounge Papa Smurf and I tore it up on the dance floor hard...I HAD MY A GAME...Since I am the worlds worst dancer the bouncers were convinced I had about 8 to0 many and asked Papa Smurf and I to leave the bar...I know when I should get kicked out...Last night was not one of those nights...FUCK YOU MOHEGAN!!!

I have a few stories to tell but Papa Smurf is being a bitch and called me up crying while changing his tampon and asked me to leave them out...I will oblige but here is the disclaimer...IF YOU HANG OUT WITH THE FAT FUCK YOUR LIFE IS SUBJECTED TO BE BLOGGED ABOUT...IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE IN THE BLOG THEN DO NOT HANG OUT WITH ME...Hope you do not bleed too much out of your vag and die Papa Smurf...

Since I cannot talk about the good parts of the evening I think the only way to stress how good they were is how the night ended...Me, Pee Wee Herman, and Papa Smurf in a king size bed in our boxers...Not gonna lie I slept great (although is passing out considered sleep)...I really never help my straight cause on this blog...o well...If you are not sure ask The CFO and she will tell you how straight this Fat Fuck is!!!!

Drove back today and got some good hang time in with Mother and Father...Nothing outrageous to report...Had some egg whites, then sushi but wrapped in cucumber so there was no rice...HOLLERRRRR....Too tired to work out today...I WILL KILL IT TOMORROW...

After a fun ass weekend time to get some sleep so I can get back on the workout track tomorrow and conquer the world...

Until tomorrow...eat a chicken fried steak with sausage gravy...for This Fat Fuck...

In and Out...

What is up Chubby Nation...

I seriously do not have too much to blog about...prob will not be on here much till Sun but I PROMISE...there is gonna be some fucking entertainment when I return...

Bfast...Fruit on the bottom yogurt...

Snack...Banana...

Lunch...Salmon and Asparagus...back to shitty...I knew it was to good to be true...

Snack...Granola bar...

The best part of work starting today for the next 30 days is that the Tunisians are celebrating Ramadan...This means they cannot eat from sunrise to sunset...For the last 3 weeks they have been shoving food in my face to tease me...NOW ITS MY FUCKING TURN...I know my food is not appetizing but when you starve yourself all day for 30 days even cow feces will turn appealing...I am going to be chugging water and eating oatmeal right over them...I am going to be announcing every time I am heading to the caf and asking if they want anything...I am also asking them every hour or so how hungry they are...Finally starting to enjoy work!

Dinner...Grilled Chicken, Brussels (I FUCKING LOVE THEM...) a few clams and of course QUINOA...

Went for a run w Ben Franklin again...went down to tenth and back...felt pretty good...There were not many chicks out...a few racks...tons of people fishing in the east river...I DO NOT FUCKING GET THAT...1. I have never seen a person catch anything there...ever...they don't even move the fucking rod...they leave it tied up to the fence and watch and take up space where I could be running...I have a better use for that pole and it involves baiting these fuckers through the ass and having it come out there mouths...2. WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD EAT ANYTHING THAT CAME OUT OF THAT RIVER...I think AIDS was born in the East FUCKING River...I saw an Asian family of four standing there like they were trying to catch fucking dinner...Go fuck yourselves and order off the dollar meal...

Got back to the apt and shared that delicious meal I just mentioned with Franklin...He used to be my roommate and I would cook for him almost nightly...I felt under pressure to cook something amazing to show him what he is missing these days...I think I succeeded...and that was reason 53 why I have a wide vag...

Ok time to watch hard knocks and get some sleep...Gonna try a morning lift...

Until next time...eat some fried chicken and biscuits...for This Fat Fuck...

Contest Week 4

Helloooooooooooo Chubby Nation...

Hope everyone is having a fantastic Tuesday...

Just the facts tonight...got some shit to take care of...

A Chubby Chaser gave me a fun fact about body glide (seriously shit is a godsend) for the ladies...

In case you ever wanted to know- body glide is also good for uncomfortable shoes for girls. It helps you not get blisters!

Keep the tips coming!

Nervous about the weigh in tonight and the fact that the oatmeal was really good yesterday I brought in a yogurt for bfast (when I eat yogurt I never get the light shit...I always go for the good old fruit at the bottom...today...blueberry)

I pounded water like a fucking champ today...I must have had 5 liters...I was in the bathroom about every 15-20 pissing fucking rivers...I probably could have filled up a small to medium sized inflatable pool...

Snack...Banana...

Lunch...some asparagus and grilled chicken...not the worst...so I guess that's a victory for the caf...2 days in a row...1 more and we have a winning streak...

Snack...Granola bar in the filing room....Reason #342 you know you have the best job in the world: your boss tells you that you are not putting in enough time archiving...Again to the higher ups at my job...Archive my nut sack bitches...I am sorry that I would rather lick a grundle after exercise then be in a small ass closest moving boxes around and writing down what's in them...

Got home and went for a quick run with fit roommate and dog just to get a sweat going before weigh ins....We made our quickest time to and from the dog park!...On the way home I did not stop once!!! Thats fucking SIIIIIIIIIIICK....On the way there I thought my calves were going to explode...I was actually hoping they did so I would not have to run anymore...It seems no matter how much I stretch them they still feel like they are on fire....If anyone has any advice please leave a comment or email me chubbynation@gmail.com...

On the way to the dog park dog stopped in the middle of third ave and started dumping...very comical because this was as the light was changing...As fit roommate was pulling dog back to the sidewalk mid plop I was hoping he got shit on and a car ran him over so that even if he were alive nobody would want to go near him to help save him because of the dog feces stench...no such luck!!!...We continued running...

At the dog park the hot factor was about a 6.5-7...not terrible...A tall bitch with long ass legs was there...she was tall enough that Papa Smurf would be able to stand up straight directly under her and let his tongue get a workout on her vaginal cavity...

Got home and GTB came over for the weigh in...he went up a pound and a half week over week now weighing in at 237 and down 1.25% overall...

I was a little nervous about the flucuator this week because he has been putting in some work...The last few nights I would come home and get confused where I lived...I know I live in Murray Hill but I thought it was Chelsea for a second...As I would approach our front door there would be techno music blasting...Once I opened the door the flucuator is wearing slippers, underwear, and boxing gloves as fit roommate is there in shorts only holding up pads for him...I was not sure if this was practical joke or if the next part of the work out was going to be them pulling down their pants and taking turns pushing each others shit in...And when the flucuator is swinging at the pads he does not really have the best technique so he looks like a caveman flailing his arms back and forth...

Regardless his hard work paid off and he was down 1.3 pounds week over week and now weighs in at 209.7 and down 0.14% overall...Finally down weight since we started...

Finally it was the time the world was waiting for...the Fat Fuck dropped down to his boxers...said a prayer and hit the scale...As the crowd waited patiently the needle settled and fit roommate gave a less the generous read...Either way down 3.5lbs week over week!!!! Now down to 246.5lbs and down 4.8% overall...THE CROWD WENT FUCKING APESHIT.....IT WAS PANDEMONIUM IN THE APT...Dads were telling there sons that they just saw greatness...Dog was so excited he started humping GTB...Next thing I know fans took our poland spring cooler and dumped it on me right in the living room...

So to recap the standings with 4 weigh ins to go...

Salad: Flucuator 0.14%

Fish: GTB 1.25%

Steak: Fat Fuck 4.8%

With the victory for the week I made some flounder and mushrooms and took my AIDS cocktail of vitamins...

Feeling this high time to head up to the home of The CFO...and burn some more calories...

Until next time kids...eat A bagel with cream cheese and jelly...for This Fat Fuck...

The last laugh...

What's going on Chubby Chasers...

I got a great tip from a member of Chubby Nation and thought I would share...

At my office, we have free snacks, including the Nature Valley peanut bars. I was eating them almost every day, but recently switched over to Kashi TLC Honey Almond Flax bars which have more fiber and protein, but are lower on calories, sugar, and fat and tastes the same as the other granola bar.

Please keep the tips coming Chubby Chasers...As you share so will I...

Now time for a quick update about today...as I wait for my fresh direct and more Quinoa!

Bfast was oatmeal...very think today...well done caf...

snack a banana...

Lunch...Some grilled chicken and veggies...it was a special the caf was doing...2 decent meals in one day...UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE...this only means either the rest of the week is gonna suck balls or I am gonna come down w horrific food poisoning...AWESOME!

Snack I went with the granola bar

The train home was a little eventful...I ended up sitting next to these slamming chicks who were on their way into the city...Had to still be in college or just out...This is always the best...Anytime there are young chicks heading in the train 1. I always try to set next to them and 2. they are always pounding booze and always love to chat...This is way better than the look at me in disgust and not wanting to sit with me...The only problem is they offered me a slice of pizza they were eating (my initial thought was putting the slice bw their knockers and motorboating the shit out of them...food and titties at once...what could be better)...I said no...they offered again...I said no...they offered again...this went on for like 5 minutes...finally I fessed up and told them I am a fat fuck with a blog...that abruptly ended our conversation...Creeping bitches out since 84!....

Another awesome thing about a crowded train is there are people everywhere...As I was talking to the fine ass hos I turned to get my phone out of my pocket...there was a gentleman standing with his ass hanging over my seat...suddenly my face got very friendly with his crack...and just as I think it could not get worse he backed up even further while my face was still there...I was now literally eating asshole...I LOVE METRO NORTH!!!!

Got home and met my friend and former roommate Ben Franklin (another dead ringer) to go running...I laced up my new shoes put on some body glide and we hit the drive...I FUCKING KICKED ASS...I ran more than normal...ran for longer periods of time...started out further than normal...we booked it all the way to the Williamsburg Bridge and back...This was a huge fucking accomplishment for me...The first day I went running down the river I got to about 10th street with more walking then running and said to myself one day I will get to the bridge..TODAY WAS THE DAY!!!...I started to tear up thinking how far I have come in 3 weeks with my running...I owe a lot of it to Papa Smurf...He helped me find the right shoes and got me body glide (looks like deodorant and you lather up your thighs...shits a godsend)...I have never felt better on the road...Calves burned in the beginning but I fought through it...Do not get me wrong I FUCKING HATE RUNNING...nice to know though I am doing a little better...And yes on the way home I thought about hoping over the guard rail and playing froger across the street...only my intention would have been to lose...

Got home had a small steak, string beans, and a little bit of my best friend Quinoa...(in case you are wondering I capitalize the Q because its that awesome)...

So yesterday I talked about how the crabs did not defeat us...I SPOKE TO FUCKING SOON...I spent the majority of my morning running back and forth to the bowl...One time was an actual full out sprint with a photo finish...Including all the stalls being taken so I had to run down a flight and use the 5th floor shitters....FUN TIMES AT THE OFFICE...That will teach me to tell the crabs I won...forgot about the morning after factor...I Blow...

On that note time to shower up...eat some warm apple pie...for This Fat Fuck...(and eat the pie do not go American Pie the movie on me you sick fucks...

Got Crabs?

What's Up Chubby Chasers...

Hope all of you had a great weekend...Sorry I did not blog this weekend...I am going to do my best to recap it all now...

Friday Food:

Bfast Egg whites w peppers and spinach

Snack Banana

Lunch Asparagus and turkey

Snack Granola Bar

Dinner Sashimi

I learned this weekend that when drinking boxed wine...the box wine always wins...ALWAYS...Friday night myself and The CFO went out with our newly engaged friends who I will refer to as Mr. and Mrs. Filth...He is quite the character...he works at a top investment bank and is a genius...up until a month ago he never had a personal email address and still does not have his voicemail set up on his phone...he can also eat and drink more than anyone I know...His fiance is his perfect counterpart...she is cool as shit and I know when we go out w them it always ends up SLOPPY...

We went to a BYO sushi place on 34th and 3rd called Nana Sushi (pretty fucking good)...I knew it was gonna be a rough night when everyone was sitting at their tables w a nice bottle of wine and Mr. Filth comes walking in w a box of franzia...For those who have never drank boxed wine it taste like apple juice but when you wake up in the morning you feel like you got hit by a mac trunk and stabbed with a few rusty nails...

After we killed a box and a bottle of saki we hit up a local watering hole...We POUNDED SHOTS...The Jamo was flowing...After a shit show filled evening we all stumbled home and I DID NOT EAT ANYTHING!!! A huge accomplishment for this Fat Fuck...Usually when I am drunk I will eat anything insight from a pickle, to a can of tuna, to a small Ethiopian...

Another lesson I learned this weekend was that you should never do anything you hate hungover...I awoke on Saturday feeling like AIDS and I get a call from my friend Pee Wee Herman (dead ringer for him)...to go running...I knew I needed to do it so I jumped out of bed geared up and hit the road...It was Summer Streets...the city closes down park ave roads downtown to allow people to run and bike in the street...its pretty cool...I never hated life more than I did on Saturday...All I wanted to do was get run over by a pack of bicyclists and call it quits on life...As I was running I and the entire city of Manhattan was able to smell the booze seeping out of my pores....The combo of booze and my sweat could be some of the foulest odors ever unleashed on this beautiful city...I am very sorry to all residents...With the help of Pee Wee I pushed hard and made it through the run barely alive...we ordered in some salads...(mine had grilled chicken)

That evening I ordered in chicken and beans and geared up for the night...Went back to the bar with the awesome cover band...this time no bitch dumped beer on me and pinched my fat...so it was a victory for all...

Today I went for Brunch w The CFO...I had eggs and salmon (way better than shitty caf salmon)...after brunch we went into the store Ricky's...The CFO was not impressed that I use a $25 tube of hair gel...She thinks I have a pretty wide vag...I tend to agree...

Afterward Papa Smurf and I went to Jack Rabbit...It is a really awesome running store...The people are great and knowledgeable...I needed a new pair of running sneakers...The woman in the store asked me what I am looking to accomplish with my running my answer "to not be fat" She was not really sure how to respond...As I was getting fitted for shows an older lady prob in her early 50s came up to the woman helping us and started talking about bras to run in...She revealed she was a 34C and wanted a bra that would not constrict her...She asked to go try one on...Papa Smurf and I were ready to assist her...He could not take his eyes off of her...At least he is interested in someone who is not a senior citizen...

After that I headed down to the Great Jones Spa and get a massage (so to confirm I am a wide vag)...The facilities were great and the massage was fantastic...It was nice to have a little "me time" As loyal readers of the blog you all know I do not have normal thoughts...During the massage my mind thought of some awesome shit...I am gonna list 4 things below...I will let you all guess which I did not think about:

1. How do ducks fuck

2. If I had to murder someone I am friends with who it would be and how would I do it

3. Having a lovely dinner with The CFO

4. If a gun was put to my head and I had to have relations with a dude friend of mine which it would be (the answer papa smurf...he looks like a gentle lover...)

After the massage I strolled around the city w The CFO and we met up with Mr. and Mrs. Filth at Choptank (Bleeker and Grove) to have all you can eat Crabs...

These were fantastic...Much better tasting than Cooter Crabs...those do not taste good...On the table they placed chips and dip and buttered potatoes...All I wanted to do was eat a bucket of chip myself and roll around in the buttered potatoes (and have The CFO lick me clean)...Thank god I had my crabs to distract me from those thoughts....There was something awesome about sitting with a table full of crabs and smashing them with a mallet...Nothing gave me more pleasure than watching Mr. Filth nail a crab...The energy he exuded and the look on his face like he was ready to fuck these crabs up was priceless...Between the four of us we put down around 50 crabs...Job well done...When we left our shirts and shorts were covered like we just went to war...IT WAS BALLERRRRRRRR...Unlike the box wine we won this battle!!!

Time to shower and get this crab stench off of me...

Till Tomorrow...eat a falafel sandwich from Mamoun's for This Fat Fuck...

Quick Update...

Whats going on Chubby Nation....

REAAAAAAAAAAAL Quick tonight...Uneventful day and not to much to talk about...

Once again snubbed on the train...train was packed as usual and every seat as filled except one...I will give you one fucking guess which it was...that's right folks the one next to me...There were 4 people standing and yet all of them thought that was a better idea than sitting next to me...Really puts me in a good mood to start the day...

Once again oatmeal for bfast...I think tomorrow will be egg whites...Not that any of you care but oatmeal goes right through me and comes out the way it looks...

Snack...banana....

Lunch...Today I had some some asparagus and salmon again...Although I kinda enjoyed it....

Snack...granola bar...no filing today...that's a moral victory...although when a moral victory is not doing a interns job you know you have by far the BEST FUCKING JOB EVERRRRRRRRR

Once again called the phone book and found nobody to run with...It was fucking hot as balls out today...I cannot believe I did not have a stroke...another moral victory...Today I ran the furthest I have without stopping to walk...I also went further than I have ever gone...Calves burned but not nearly as bad as the grundle...I let out a man yelp and a few man tears from the burning going on in the grundular area...You could probably cook some eggs down there thats how hot they were...While down there you can top it with some fromunda cheese..(as GTB would say fromunda my balls)....O yea hot factor...bitches were about a 4 (1-10 scale) BUT THE FUCKING TITS WERE LIKE A 12 (yes still a 1-10 scale)...They were big, juicy, and bouncing all over the place...If I were to have tripped and fell into any of the girls chests I do not know if it would have been a cushioned landing or if I would have needed a GPS device to find my way out before I was smothered to death...Thanks for the tits tonight ladies really helped me push through and not quit from grundle pain...

As I got home I thought I was gonna drop in the elevator...it was crowded and all I wanted to do was be in my apt....some douche bag (last person in the vator btw as the door was about to shut)...gets out ON THE THIRD FUCKING FLOOR...ARE YOU KIDDING ME...TAKE THE FUCKING STAIRS...I had to wait for your lazy scumbag ass to get out...fuck you...If I ever see you again in an elevator and you are going up past the 3rd floor...say to like floor 20I I will get out on floor 5 but before I do I am going to hit every single button so your douchey self can feel my pain....also maybe we will get lucky and the elevator will slip and you will plummet to your death...again fuck you douche bag...

For dinner I grilled up some clams and halibut I bought at the grand central market...For the clams put them on tin foil season to your taste (I use salt, pepper, garlic, paprika, and lemon) Wrap up the foil and throw on the grill...they are ready when they open wide (like most women)...Halibut I used salt, pepper, lemon and 4 min on each side...of course a little Quinoa...

That's about it for me...I will try my best to post a few times this weekend...

Until tomorrow....eat some red velvet cupcakes from buttercup bakeshop (52 and 2ish)...for This Fat Fuck...

You and me and a bottle of wine...

What's up Chubby Chasers....

Hope your week is going better than mine..

I swear tonight's is going to be short...I really have nothing to talk about...

MORE TRAIN FUN!!!!...As you all know people hate sitting next to this Fat Fuck on the train...Today was more of that...So I am sitting on the train reading the ny post watching people not want to sit with me then THE ULTIMATE INSULT FINALLY OCCURRED....Some cute little chick came over to where I was sitting and I thought awesome maybe I can "accidentally" sleep on her shoulder...She looks at me and goes "excuse me can I si....O wait never mind" and kept walking..As if she just saw and empty seat, went to sit there then realized she would be sitting with me and said ehh I do not feel like being smothered to death between the side of the train and his rolls of fat...THANKS BITCH...THANKS FOR THE FUCKING EGO BOOST...I really appreciate it...While you are walking to the next car I hope you don't fall in between the two cars and die a slow and painful death...

Bfast...MORE OATMEAL!!!! As much as it tastes terrible I kinda think it would be really relaxing and soothing to take a bath in...just a thought...

Snack...Banana...A Chubby Chaser and One of the most amazing people in the world gave me a great tip on how to deal with the heartburn (Thanks Aunt Atlanta!)...If you cut the seeds out of the banana you will eliminate the heartburn...I am not sure how one would cut them out...I may buy 20 bananas (guy on 33 an 2nd sells 5 for a buck) and figure it out...I also decided I do not mind the heart burn cause it is a great distraction from my work...

Lunch...I had asparagus and salmon...I WANT TO CRY!!!...I really hate bringing my lunch to work and I am getting DANGEROUSLY close to it...FUCK YOU dining services...

Snack...Granola Bar in the filing room again...I am pretty sure I could bring in a sleeping bag put it on one of the shelves and pass out for an hour and nobody would know...My company really knows a great way to spend money on its talent...I am convinced If I wheeled one of the moving shelving units in the room on top of myself and got trapped nobody would know or care...What a great working atmosphere...

When I go and buy my granola bar every day there is a popcorn machine in the store...There is nothing more intoxicating then the smell of popcorn...Everyday I stare at the machine and dream about being in a room full of popcorn just swimming around in it (doing the backstroke) and enjoying life with hot butter dripping down on me...Then I realize I am not going to eat the popcorn and think about picking up the machine and throwing it on the floor so nobody can...

Came home and lifted in my sauna like apt...In case you care I wore boxers and a pink bandanna...That is a good transition into the next topic...

So the other day I talked about the FOTB who gave me the running quote...I decided we will call him Papa Smurf...He is the man...A rising star at his company by day and a FUCKING ANIMAL AT NIGHT...When the Jamo enters his body the clothing leaves it...It is not uncommon for him to be in a bar and start dancing with his pants down...He once even put his bare ass on a cop car...In Seattle he made out with a woman above 65 in an IHOP at 3am...I HEART PAPA SMURF...however some people (by some I mean everyone who knows us) think we might be in a dudetastic relationship...Jury is still out...

Papa Smurf Showed up tonight and I answered the door in my boxers and pink bandana...I made us a lovely meal...I AM A FUCKING MORON and forgot how much dirty salmon I am eating these days and bought some cause it was on sale...He is a Jew and therefore would not pass up a free meal...He ate the salmon I had pork...we shared Quinoa (now a fan!) and spinach..quite delightful...He brought a bottle of wine that he had gift wrapped (he bought the wine a block from my apt)....WE ARE STRAIGHT I SWEAR...although when The CFO showed up he asked her to leave cause it was our special time...AGAIN I SWEAR WE HAVE NEVER ANALLY PENETRATED EACH OTHER...He did ask if we could feed each other bites...I thought about it...On second thought maybe we do have something going on...O GOD...On that note time to wrap it up (thats what she said)...

Yes a very uneventful day...as you all can tell...

Time for a little more exercise...this time in the bedroom w The CFO...I hope...

Until tomorrow...eat Fettuccine Alfredo (CFOs Suggestion)...For This Fat Fuck...

Contest Week 3

Whats going on Chubby Chasers...

Not a whole lot to report on tonight...

Today was short bus' actual bday so Happy 30 to him...

I am really pressed for time tonight so just facts...

Bfast today...Oatmeal...back to diarrhea consistency...and it was burnt today...Another amazing job by dining services...

Snack...Banana....It was so delicious going in that I knew something bad was gonna happen...my heartburn was so bad today I actually let out a hybrid yelp/scream at my desk...I looked like a fucking moron...

Lunch...Caf was on a roll today...the salmon was burnt and over cooked...Today I ate spinach...I feel like dining services is really trying to test me...They are trying to see how much they can get lunch to suck until I go fucking postal and start throwing dirty greasy disgusting massed produced food all over the place...similar to a monkey flinging its dung....

Snack...Granola bar...Nature valley peanut butter is the shit...I ate this in the filing room...Apparently my job has not go the memo that I AM NOT A FUCKING INTERN....they have me in the file room logging every ones shit so it can get archived...MY JOB IS AWESOME...Even the actual intern gets to sit at her desk and do "real work" why I am putting binders in boxes...That college degree is really paying off for me...Money well spent!!!...The only benefit to the file room is I can hide in there for an hour pretend I did something and not have to talk to the higher ups...In my version of hell they will be filing pictures of my shits for all of eternity...

Dinner...skirt steak and Quinoa...god bless that grain...A chubby chaser sent me a recipe using Quinoa...Take a look at the link...The picture looks like something that came out of me this morning but it involves Quinoa so I will try it!...Keep the recipes coming!!!

http://www.wholefoodsmarket.com/recipes/2672

FINALLY DID NOT HAVE TO RUN ALONE AGAIN!!!!...Fit roommate and I went for a run...After the beach run this was a breeze...I was moving quicker and stopping less...We def logged our best time!....STILL FUCKING HATE TO RUN....We went to the dog park again only problem...no dog (he is in jerz)....There is no way we are not being tailed by cops right now...Two dudes out in the dark at the dog park with no dog just staring at women...We did not look like we were gonna grab a bitch have our way w her and use her body as a cum dumpster...That said there were a few cute ones...I am hoping that people thought the lesser of two evils...That we were a gay couple out for a run (w fit roommate clearly being a chubby chaser) and just wanted to see the cute puppies together...O GOD WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE!!!!

No matter how much I run my calves always fucking burn...please help!!!...The yelling of my roommate still sucks...sometimes he runs ahead of me and does pullups on a scaffolding...I was hoping one collapsed and he got buried alive...and contracted herpes...

This leads us to the Second weigh-in...

The flucuator woke up out of a dead sleep (yes it was 930 pm)...gets on the scale and stays even week over week at 211...he is still up 1% on the challenge...

GTB had a great week...Personally I think he just took a huge dump today...down 4.5lbs week over week and now down 1.9% week over week...

This Fat Fuck got to the scale...Silenced the crowd again...and lost 0.5lbs this week...The crowd let out a horrific shriek and sat there in disappointment...Babies and grown men alike were crying...A HALF FUCKING POUND...AFTER ALL MY HARD WORK THAT'S ALL I GOT...The diet was there the exercise was there and that's all...FUCKING BULLSHIT...I need to figure out where I went wrong...

Do not worry Chubby Chasers...I WILL NOT LET THIS GET ME DOWN...I WILL ONLY WORK HARDER FROM HERE!!!!...On the bright side I went down and I now weigh 250 (down 3.5% overall and still in the lead)...I know that this is a long journey and am looking for results in the long run...If I stay w the plan and keep pushing through I will get there...

My strategy on this challenge with 5 weigh-ins left is 2lbs per week...If I can get to 19lbs overall I do not see either of them catching me...and 19lbs in 8 weeks I WILL TAKE THAT TO THE BANK ANY DAY!!!!

So time to shower...keep my head up...come up with a game plan and move onward...

Until tomorrow...eat a waffle with ice cream for This Fat Fuck...

Baywatch Beauty...

I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAACK....

What's going on Chubby Chasers...Happy to be back and blogging for all of you...

I am almost ready to make the big announcement...couple more days...

Two of my favorite people in the world got engaged last night...I hope your life together is as wonderfully retarded as the two of you are as people...I heart you guys...

Luckily I do not have much to talk about from today so I am going to recap the weekend as much as possible...

As you all know The CFO and I were down at the shore...

Friday Food...

Bfast: Switched it up...FINALLY...The one thing our caf can make is an omelet...They are actually some of the best I have ever had go fucking figure (also kinda expensive)...I had a dry egg whites with peppers shrooms (legal kind) and spinach

Lunch: salad and cold salmon...Fridays at the caf are THE ABSOLUTE WORST...It is like all of the chefs are hung over and want the dirtiest grimiest shit to eat...I have dubbed Fridays the lets see how fat we can get people at work day...no joke the healthiest thing they made was chicken wings smothered in "sauce"...If I were to meet the head of dining services there are a couple of places I would like to shove the chicken wings...

Snack: Yogurt...

Dinner: Chicken and string beans

So I ditched out of work early and met up with The CFO to hit the shore...we took the Academy Bus line...IT FUCKING ATE A YEAST INFECTED VAG...PLEASE NEVER TAKE THIS LINE...I would rather have gotten on my knees with hundreds of men surrounding me and taking part of the ancient tradition of Bukaki then go on that bus line again...The CFO kept pulling her dress down as far as possible because she did not want to "get contaminated from the AIDS and Semen on the seat" as she said....(what a lady)...We were surrounded by crack addicts and other drains on society as we made our trek down...The only positive thing about Academy bus line is that it makes me feel better about my role in society...if you are ever down on your luck just take ride on this line and you will think you are king of the world...I do not know if it is the crackwhores or the really obvious degenerate gamblers but I felt like a million bucks...

Got there safely and disease free (we hope...still waiting for the results)...Did not do much on Fri just hung out with the father of the CFO...(he will be referred to as CFO SR.) CFO SR. Has two younger daughters ((13 and 9 I think) also an older one who is a chubby chaser and a cool chick)...The 13yr old is a standard teenage girl (does her own thing and plays the guitar)....the 9yr old however is the love child of Satan and Mussolini...Once this girl had sugar nobody knows what will happen...seriously run for the fucking hills...If you really are in the mood for entertainment go to a restaurant with her...not only will you have a meal but there will be some sort of action that will be burned into your memory forever...usually its of the other people pointing and staring...

So Friday night at around 1230-1am The CFO, The Fat Fuck, and CFO SR are sitting on the couch shooting the shit...SM comes out of her room and CFO SR asks her where are you going?...she blows by him and walks into his room...she proceeds to drop her pants (if you have a comment here please go register yourself)...stand there for a minute then run to the bathroom w her pants down...do her thing then go back to bed...never remembering any of this the next day...During the running of the demon spawn the CFO and I are laying down so we can only see her from the waste up and we hear CFO SR go SHE IS FUCKING BARE ASSED...Thankfully we did not get the show...Apparently SM now sleep walks...Another feather in her awesome hat...Luckily for CFO SR and his wife SM did not shit on their floor...just made a wrong turn...Awesome...

Saturday morning I woke up and went for a run on the beach...The amount of this sucking reached epic proportions...I thought it would be awesome to run along the water and see hot bitches...(not as many of them as I thought there would be...most had small tits)...IT WAS NOT...Reasons it sucked...

1. Even though there is give in the ground digging in the sand burns...worse the chlamydia (from what I am told)

2. When the water comes up to far your feet get drenched and nobody likes a wet sock

3. The disappointment of bystanders...Picture in the distance you see this long flowing blond hair and these luscious luscious hooters bouncing in the air coming at you...In your head all you can hear is the Baywatch theme song and think your life is about to change...Then as this image gets closer you are squinting to see what is coming....then finally when you see that instead of Pamela Anderson it is This Fat Fuck and all his man boob glory the thought that you almost saw an angel but instead so you saw a beached whale turns to disgust, disappointment and horror...Seeing this look by every dude I run by on the beach is enough to make me want to slit my wrists...

I thought one of the toughest parts of the weekend was going to be the eating...When you go to a house with young kids (except mine when I was younger) the fridge is fucking stocked...There is not an item in the fridge I did not want to rub on me then eat...Surprisingly I did not crack...made it the whole weekend with out putting shit in my mouth (actual shit and junk food)...

Sat I had some fruit and whitefish for bfast

Lunch Tuna

Dinner Sausage (chicken sausage not dude sausage) and Spinach

CFO, CFO SR, and I headed to the Borgata to see the Counting Crows...(they were ok...yes I am living in the 90s)...I liked the hotel because it has a hot club so the SLUTS WERE OUT!!!!! Great eye candy there...

Note to self...When in a casino with CFO SR. you may not want to scream at a craps table...When I gamble I yell very loudly and I get really into it...mot to mention I am BOOZING...HARD...The site of this rotund man yelling for the entire casino to hear with my arms flailing in the wind may not be the best impression to make but thankfully I CLEANED UP...if it were the other way around I might be single right now...There would have been tons of cursing and rude comments flying out of my mouth...(why am I allowed in public)...Apparently winning money turns the CFO on...After she saw the winnings she turns to CFO SR and says "he is so hot right now"...you know... exactly what a dad wants to hear...she might as well have looked at him and said...I wanna fuck his brains out...either way...Went to a bar near the apt after...Boozed it up...pretty good night overall

Not a whole lot to report on about Sunday...ate eggs for bast...crab legs for lunch (no butter!)...forgot what I had for dinner...

Post is getting lengthy so quickly about today...

Bfast...Oatmeal consistency not too bad...

Lunch...Salad with grilled chicken...the dirty salmon was not ready so I had to eat their chicken...There is something about the cafs chicken that makes me shit my brains out...(ATTRACTIVE)...

Snack: Yogurt

Dinner: Chicken and Beans

Got home late tonight so a quick lift in the apt...

I have been drinking V8 because my mom says its healthy for you...(1. I do most things my mom says with out knowing if she is right or not...2. My mom does anything Dr. Oz says without knowing if he is right or not)

After I worked out I drank my V8...Or I should say chugged...I HATE THAT GARBAGE...My oatmeal may look like diarrhea but I am pretty sure V8 taste like it...THANKS FOR THE TIP MOM...Next time just tell me to eat my own feces I am sure it tastes the same...

Ok well I guess its time to shower and take my AIDS Vitamin Cocktail...

Until tomorrow...eat a burrito loaded with cheese and sour cream for This Fat Fuck...