Moving On Up...

Whats up Chubby Chasers...

BIG FUCKING NEWS...

This is the last of blogspot...

Starting with tonight's post we will be on....

chubbienation.com/

Please go there to read tonights post and from now on...

Until you hit the new site...have a chocolate chip cookie...for This Fat Fuck...

Quick Hits...

What is up Chubby Nation...

Another slow day in my life so not too much to talk about...

Day started off well...nobody stole my paper...

Had yogurt for bfast and a banana for snack...Day was going pretty well and then lunch came around...

I knew it was too good to be true...just as I was loving a la plancha the dining services people had to rip my heart out and kick me in the nuts...not only did they not have it today they did a complete 180 and decided to can the healthiest meal in the caf for the meal that could kill everyone...the meal you ask...LOADED BAKED POTATO BAR...ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME...If you could think of an unhealthy topping they had it...even the cheese to put on it was not real cheese...it was the cheese you put on nachos at the movies...Apparently today was national baked potato day so clearly it had to be FUCKING CELEBRATED...When I realized that this replaced my beloved a la plancha I let out a shriek followed by a tear or two...not a pretty site...FUCK YOU DINING SERVICES...and of course tomorrow is Friday so it is forget about health day in the caf...

oh yea I had shitty cold salmon and cauliflower...FUCKING A

Snack was granola bar...

Tunisian 2 was complaining his throat was dry today so I kept turning to him and chugging water...I HEART RAMADAN!!!!

Came home and went for a run alone...Have not done that in a while...I forgot how much moose cock that blows...I tried to get fit roommate to go with me but he declined...fuck him...

I ran by myself to the park and back...something quick and easy...There were lots of bouncing boobs tonight...I love bouncing boobs...they make me and my heart smile...

At the park instead of being creepy by the dogs I decided to be creepy by Shake Shack...I was craving fast food and like any good addict I needed a fix...Luckily for me I had no money on me so I could not buy food but smells are free...So I sat down at a table in front of the shack and took in that wonderful aroma...I am sure people felt awkward as my man boobs were hanging out of my sleeveless shirt and I was drooling and salivating at their food...I looked have homeless and half retarded...I thought either a person was gonna offer to buy me a hot meal or ask me if I was lost and if they can help me get back to the center for mentally challenged adults...

Came home got some chicken and beans...and now debating if I should go out and be useless at work tomorrow...

The blogging will be light this weekend as The CFO, The Flucuator, his GF and I are headed back to the shore...Hopefully The CFO fam will provide some great material for me to share when I return...

Until then kids...eat McDs 2 cheeseburger and fry value meal...for This Fat Fuck...

Did that really happen...

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Contest Week 5

What's going on Chubby Nation...

Crazy to think it has been 1 Month since we started this journey together...I seriously cannot thank you all enough for the love and support...Please continue to support me and continue to spread the word to others...

It was one month ago at my 26th birthday I said to myself It is time to get rid of the body of a 64yr old lady and start to get my life on track...It is crazy how far I have come in a month...eating SIGNIFICANTLY better...RUNNING...WHOLLY FUCK I AM RUNNING...and drinking dickloads less...Still not the pinnacle of health but we are getting there...

Every morning I get on the same train and sit in the same car...I read the post....put my monthly pass in a spot the conductor can see...then I pass the fuck out...It is a nice a little routine I have gotten myself into...although the conductor has one as well...every morning the same fucking conductor...who says hi to me while I board the train...walks up to me...taps me on the shoulder and asks for my ticket which is again in an extremely visible spot...When this happens I usually get extremely startled and jump and either flail my arms or smash my knees into the seat in front of me...either way I look like I am having a fucking seizure... So...Hey Conductor...STOP FUCKING WAKING ME UP!!!!...Even if you do not see the pass I AM ON THE SAME FUCKING TRAIN WITH YOU DAILY...CLEARLY YOU KNOW I HAVE IT!!!!...And if I do slip one past the proverbial goalie one day and do not have the pass GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK....because one day your gonna tap me and that flailing arm is gonna be hard one right to the fucking FACHE...

Bfast: Yogurt

Snack: Banana...no heart burn in a weak...I can see the revenge of the banana coming reeeaaaal soon...

Lunch: A LA PLANCHA!!!! Grilled Chicken, salad, cauliflower, and asparagus....A la plancha week is my fat fuck shitty ass caf version of shark week....LET THE FUCKING EXCITEMENT CONTINUE!!!

Snack: Granola Bar

Chubby Chasers: I am looking for some new snack items please email ideas to chubbynation@gmail.com

Got home and went for a real quick run with fit roommate and dog...we hit the dog park...Running today was nice and easy...it is crazy to think that a month ago I wanted to die by running to the dog park and now its fairly painless and I am not gonna have a stroke...my calves are still on fucking fire...please send some tips to help with that...

One thing that has not changed is me hoping fit roommate dies on the way over...Today I was hoping a 300lb naked dude hated his life so much he jumped from the top of a 30 story building and landed directly on top of fit roommate and when they both fell to the ground and their lives ended the naked dude was positioned that he was face fucking my roommate and a photographer was taking photos and now his parents had to go through life with the shame and humiliation that their son died getting face fucked...

The dog park was also a letdown today...The only person in there besides us was a dude who looked like he was albino and had herpes...AWESOME!!!

At least on the way home we followed a chick with the tightest ass...I think that is why we made such quick time because she was moving and we did not want to let her out of our sight...either way...I do not think she liked that we followed every turn she made...oh well motivation is motivation...

Got home and it was weigh in time...I was very nervous because of my non exercising booze filled weekend...

Here were the highlights...

The flucuator was up first and just got back from Chicago...I expected him to go up about 30lbs...instead stayed even at 209.7...down .3lbs overall and .14%...not too much flucuation for the flucuator...

My favorite part of GTB getting on the scale is his ritual...he strips down to the boxer and starts doing a few squats...then he waves his arms around...then comes my personal favorite...JUMPING JACKS!!! (surprisingly he still has not fallen into the down stairs neighbors apt)...then he takes a big breath does the Johnny Drama scream and steps on...came in at 235 down 2lbs and down 5lbs overall and 2.08%...

Finally as usual the hush fall over the crowd and the Fat Fuck comes up to the scale...the crowd had extremely low expectations this week...in fact it was the first non sell out crowd because people did not want to be disapointed...WELL FOR THIS WHO DID NOT SHOW HAHAHAHA....MISSED A GREAT FUCKING GAME...DOWN ANOTHER 3LBS...Once again a historic evening as I came in at 243.5 broke the 15lbs mark and now down 15.5 and 5.98%...You all know the drill...tits came out...and I was carried into the kitchen on the shoulders of my fans as my pork chops needed to be flipped...Had a victory pork chop and spinach...

1. I AM FUCKING RUNNING AWAY WITH THIS BITCH!!!...3 more weigh ins till I can claim a victory...

2. I was feeling bad about what I said about fit roommate but then I remembered he is the worst fucking scale reader...EVER...I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THE TWO OF THEM GETTING GENEROUS READS!!! (I am talking about .5 to an lb lighter) and then you adding that .5 to 1lb on my weight...it is ok make it harder for me I will still fucking win...So fit roommate on second thought I hope that falling dick tastes like AIDS!

One month in and I am down 15.5lbs...NOT TO SHABBY...Although mother was quick to remind me if I cut out the booze it would be more...well mother...I DON'T GIVE A FUCK...(sorry mommy)...I know I could lose more without booze but it keeps me sane and I need at least one vice in my life...I know this is only gonna get harder as the journey goes on but I cannot wait...I am going to keep pushing and give it my all because if the feeling is this awesome at breaking 15 I wonder what 20, 3o, and dare I say 40 feel like...

Time to get into bed and have a victory jerk because hell I FUCKING EARNED IT...(one of my measuring tactics on how much weight I have lost is by laying in bed with a hard cock and seeing how much of it I can see over my stomach...Finally not just the tip!!!)...

Until tomorrow...eat a molten chocolate cake with ice cream...for This Fat Fuck...

Reeeeeaaaaaaaaaaal Quick...

What is up Chubby Chasers....

I swear really quick tonight...As I promised there are big things in the works and I need to go take care of it...

Food Today:

Bfast: Mixed Berry Yogurt...Pretty good...

Snack: Banana

Lunch: FINALLY!!!!! The caf does one thing well....About every few weeks they do this thing they call "a la plancha" Its a piece of chicken, tuna, or steak with a salad and some veggies....The grill it to your liking...It is actually really good and I get a chubby every time they have it...Today I went chicken...This is clearly the most popular item the caf has yet they do it about once a month for a week straight...its such a fucking tease...just give it to me all the time...rather then for 5 days in a row which is just enough to get me excited about lunch and then be extremely depressed the next Monday when it is not there...

Snack: Granola bar

Dinner: Flounder, Mushrooms and Quinoa...

Went for a run with Ben Franklin tonight...my first run since weds...IT BLEW ASSHOLE...My legs burned more than ever and it was like a million percent humidity...it was so hot and steamy out it reminded me of being in a hot shower w a perpetual fart....we went about 3 miles and were ready to end our lives...I thought today would finally be the day I puked from running...not yet...if I am lucky one day soon...

It was a successful run on another front...As I have mentioned before I fall a lot...I mean a lot...It had just poured and started to rain again while we were out...I gave myself an 83.7% chance I was going to fall and break an ankle, my shoulder, or fucking face plant and ruin the money maker and look like a fucking idiot and give the other runners some good entertainment while I crawl up into the fetal position and hope it was just a dream...well...that did not happen...MORAL VICTORY!

Final note...WHY DOES THE WORLD FUCKING HATE ME...As I mentioned in yesterday's blog I love nothing more than the smell of popcorn...I shit you not...in the middle of the running path on the FDR drive some dude had a movie theater popcorn machine out and was making popcorn (not sure the occasion)...All I wanted to do was kick the dude in the nuts pick up his popcorn machine and throw it in the FUCKING RIVER...No matter what I do I cannot get that fucking smell away from me...It is like it is the worlds way of playing the worst practical joke ever...NOT FUNNY!!!

Ok...Time to shower...and make shit happen...

Big weigh in day tomorrow...

Until next time kids...eat a breakfast burrito from Taco Surf in San Diego....for This Fat Fuck...

Practical Joke...

What is up Chubby Chasers...

Its been a crazy few days since I last blogged I will try my best to fill most of it in...

A quick tip today from a Chubby Chaser who had some thoughts about my small ass bladder...

eat hydrating foods. the nutrients in the fruit will help the water get into your cells on a molecular level. they need something to stick to. running to the bathroom and seeming like either a bulemic freak or a cokehead that can't sustain a half hour without a bump just means that the water is going straight through your system without doing anything for you. eat more fruit. watermelon, cantelope

Pretty awesome this Chubby Chaser used an analogy I could understand...Thanks for the tip!!! keep it coming...

Before we give the run through...I am gonna give highlights of thurs-sun...Might leave out a few meals...cant remember them all...With this crazy ass weekend I had I have not been able to exercise since Weds...I am in fucking withdrawal...NOT GOOD...Need to have a BIG run tomorrow...Bring on the pain!!!!

Thurs...Standard food at work...I think I had yogurt for bfast...

For dinner the boys went out for GTBs bday...We went to Benny's Burritos on 6 and A. They make good fucking food...Going to dinner is really hard for a fat fuck...Clearly I read through the menu and look at everything I cannot eat and listen in to what my friends are ordering...As they are all loading up and feeding their faces off with burritos I ordered Steak Fajitas and I ate the meat with some lettuce, tomato, and beans...Wow did I want a fucking burrito...This was once of my first experiences at a dinner like this since I started this challenge...It really tests you when you have all these options and you chose the healthiest of them...I WAS NOT HAPPY...

A few people noticed at dinner that with most of my drinks and sometimes food I use the stomach table...Since I am a large human my stomach starts just south of my man titties...This creates a body shelf or table...I usually rest my beer these while I am standing at a bar and chatting or in any situation I have a beverage...I am looking forward to not being able to get a reservation at that table anymore...

After dinner we went to a bar where Papa Smurf was sitting at a table with me and a guy walked by us and he looked him up and down...I saw this happen and called him out on it...he had no response...

Friday standard food as well but since I was hungover and did not feel like running oatmeal or yogurt through the system it was egg white omelet time!

Commuting on Fri sucked balls...I had to go to LI to get the car so I had to go from the Metro North to the LIRR to meet my parents...If two train rides a day is not self esteem boosting enough LETS ADD A THIRD ONE!!!!

Went out to GTBs bday party that was a fucking blast!!! (sarcasm)...Pretty much everyone went home by 12...His friends really know how to get after it...Hope that is not foreshadowing the Bachelor Party...At one point GTB and I wear sitting on a bench and he laid down and put his head on my knee...The bouncer came over and said to us..."I know this is the lounge area, but sit up...its not that kind of bar." Thanks for calling me gay asshole...

We were at Whiskey Rebel on 28th and lex..pretty chill and cheapish...The only thing I FUCKING HATE is they serve popcorn at the bar...They keep bowls all over the bar and keep it popping all night...This is one of my versions of hell where I am getting hammered and want to eat and am surrounded by the best smell in world and cannot touch any of the deliciousness in front of me...FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK....Maybe one day this will become heaven and I can have all of the corn I want!...Until then KILL ME...

So the reason I picked up my car...Me and a few boys from school decided that the bday party for Short Bus was not enough...We decided to kidnap him for the night and take him to Mohegan...His gf told him they were going to meet her parents...they stopped in at Starbucks she walked out to make a phone call...he came out with drinks and we hooked him and dragged him into the car...pretty well executed...EXCEPT FOR ONE FUCKING PROBLEM...

Some old cunt saw us take a bag from the gf and started to watch the kidnap and came up to me and started yelling that "THIS BETTER BE NOTHING MORE THAN A PRACTICAL JOKE" I told her he is our friend and it was...she said that is was not funny and "do you see my face I am not laughing" She proceeded to take down my licence plate and call the cops as we left...THIS WOMAN IS AN IDOT...Hey Bitch...My boys and I were in plaid shorts and pastel color polo shorts...I HAD A FUCKING FEDORA ON!!! Do you really think it was a serious attack...Did our taking pictures and laughing not give it away...IF I WERE GOING TO KIDNAP A HUMAN DO YOU THINK I WOULD BE WEARING A FUCKING FEDORA...WAKE THE FUCK UP!!!! Also we were clearly smart enough to kidnap a human in a crowded public place during daylight...ALSO if it were serious do you really think you were gonna stop us...all we would have done is put you down like a fucking dog if you got in our way....GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU OLD BITCH...o yea again I WAS WEARING A FUCKING FEDORA!!! (I really cannot stress that enough)...

Got to Mohegan and the boozing began...we ordered in pizza to the hotel (Marriott in Norwich)...Do not worry I had a salad w chicken...and that was the first I ate all day...

Went to dinner at Michael Jordan Sports Bar...Pretty good I had a steak...We were sitting by the window enjoying a nice meal when Scottie Pippen walked by...Papa Smurf thought it was a good idea to start banging on the window and boo him...He really hates the bulls...

Rest of the night was a complete blur...Lots of gambling and drinking (Pee Wee Herman played BlackJack with Rick Bucher)...At the bar Lucky's Lounge Papa Smurf and I tore it up on the dance floor hard...I HAD MY A GAME...Since I am the worlds worst dancer the bouncers were convinced I had about 8 to0 many and asked Papa Smurf and I to leave the bar...I know when I should get kicked out...Last night was not one of those nights...FUCK YOU MOHEGAN!!!

I have a few stories to tell but Papa Smurf is being a bitch and called me up crying while changing his tampon and asked me to leave them out...I will oblige but here is the disclaimer...IF YOU HANG OUT WITH THE FAT FUCK YOUR LIFE IS SUBJECTED TO BE BLOGGED ABOUT...IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE IN THE BLOG THEN DO NOT HANG OUT WITH ME...Hope you do not bleed too much out of your vag and die Papa Smurf...

Since I cannot talk about the good parts of the evening I think the only way to stress how good they were is how the night ended...Me, Pee Wee Herman, and Papa Smurf in a king size bed in our boxers...Not gonna lie I slept great (although is passing out considered sleep)...I really never help my straight cause on this blog...o well...If you are not sure ask The CFO and she will tell you how straight this Fat Fuck is!!!!

Drove back today and got some good hang time in with Mother and Father...Nothing outrageous to report...Had some egg whites, then sushi but wrapped in cucumber so there was no rice...HOLLERRRRR....Too tired to work out today...I WILL KILL IT TOMORROW...

After a fun ass weekend time to get some sleep so I can get back on the workout track tomorrow and conquer the world...

Until tomorrow...eat a chicken fried steak with sausage gravy...for This Fat Fuck...

In and Out...

What is up Chubby Nation...

I seriously do not have too much to blog about...prob will not be on here much till Sun but I PROMISE...there is gonna be some fucking entertainment when I return...

Bfast...Fruit on the bottom yogurt...

Snack...Banana...

Lunch...Salmon and Asparagus...back to shitty...I knew it was to good to be true...

Snack...Granola bar...

The best part of work starting today for the next 30 days is that the Tunisians are celebrating Ramadan...This means they cannot eat from sunrise to sunset...For the last 3 weeks they have been shoving food in my face to tease me...NOW ITS MY FUCKING TURN...I know my food is not appetizing but when you starve yourself all day for 30 days even cow feces will turn appealing...I am going to be chugging water and eating oatmeal right over them...I am going to be announcing every time I am heading to the caf and asking if they want anything...I am also asking them every hour or so how hungry they are...Finally starting to enjoy work!

Dinner...Grilled Chicken, Brussels (I FUCKING LOVE THEM...) a few clams and of course QUINOA...

Went for a run w Ben Franklin again...went down to tenth and back...felt pretty good...There were not many chicks out...a few racks...tons of people fishing in the east river...I DO NOT FUCKING GET THAT...1. I have never seen a person catch anything there...ever...they don't even move the fucking rod...they leave it tied up to the fence and watch and take up space where I could be running...I have a better use for that pole and it involves baiting these fuckers through the ass and having it come out there mouths...2. WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD EAT ANYTHING THAT CAME OUT OF THAT RIVER...I think AIDS was born in the East FUCKING River...I saw an Asian family of four standing there like they were trying to catch fucking dinner...Go fuck yourselves and order off the dollar meal...

Got back to the apt and shared that delicious meal I just mentioned with Franklin...He used to be my roommate and I would cook for him almost nightly...I felt under pressure to cook something amazing to show him what he is missing these days...I think I succeeded...and that was reason 53 why I have a wide vag...

Ok time to watch hard knocks and get some sleep...Gonna try a morning lift...

Until next time...eat some fried chicken and biscuits...for This Fat Fuck...